Friday, August 19, 2011

Are you mothering your man? How to stop acting like your guy's mother



Three ways that you might be mothering your man

1. Unasked for advice
Men are so clueless sometimes. Or at least that's what we tell ourselves. They can't find stuff, some of them can't dress for proper social presentation and others can barely keep clean without us. Our only choice is to tell him how to do things, right? Tuck in your shirt, don't wear those jeans, why would you want to hang out with someone like that, turn the toilet tissue roll over, are you really going to eat that, shouldn't you clean out the car? After all, we're just trying to help.
Here's the deal. Our dudes manage to be functional in the rest of their lives. They go to work and make it home without incident. Look at it this way; he somehow made it through the basics of life for X amount of years before he met you.
If you are offering unwanted advice, your man may see this as mothering.
2. Lack of space.
What are you doing tomorrow? Why don't you come shopping with me? Tell me everything you did today. We often want our dudes to be joined at the hip with us. Some of us want our boyfriends or husbands to be our best friends. And sometimes they are. This makes sense because they're the ones we're choosing to spend our lives with.
However, your dude does not have to be with you every free waking moment of the day. You should both have interests and likes outside of each other that you can enjoy. This way it will be that much sweeter when you're together.
If you don't like to give your guy his space then you might be mothering him.
3. Nagging and criticizing.
No one likes to be criticized. I know, I know. We're just trying to help, but criticism shames the criticized. Criticism makes us feel incapable and belittled. In fact, see number 1.
If you are criticizing or belittling your dude constantly, you may be mothering him.
When your guy was a teen and his mom was still mothering him on a daily basis he probably avoided her, sulked, rebelled, reduced communication and moved away as soon as possible. Just something to take note of. My ex didn't tell me at the time that I was acting like his mother because he couldn't process it while it was happening. He only knew to avoid it. A second mother was not his idea of fun. Go figure.
Obviously it was not my fault that my ex was a serial cheater. Cheaters cheat. However, relationships are the responsibility fully of both parties. There is no strength in being a victim. There is only power in learning from our mistakes and doing better next time.
As I always say, be good, my loves. And if you can't be good, be safe.
Do you Agree with the points? share your thoughts below
Written by Abiola Abrams of Abiolatv.com

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